Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
