i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
