i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
