You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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