why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
