Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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