dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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