i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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