I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
