whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
