well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
