you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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