why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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