I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
