Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
