i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Randomize
