in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
