Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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