First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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