Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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