If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
