Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
