What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
