If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
