Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
