You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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