Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize