so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All the doctor said was why
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
