her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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