If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
