Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
