im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
