sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
