I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
