Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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