I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
