in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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