No stitches, just platelets and will power
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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