I want to have your abortion
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
