i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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