so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
