the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
