I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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