That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
