i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize