That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
