I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
