I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
