I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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