my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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