i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
