everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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