I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
