If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
