oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize