her vagine was all disorganized.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
