Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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