i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My hand turned me down
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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