:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
