I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
